Ignite a Fire

I know Wobbly Wednesday is over, but I wanted to share another piece that I have often referred back to when I feel myself getting out of wack. I first found this quote when I was working for a publishing company. Life was good then - I had just been promoted to Assistant Manager, I had a great boss, and I finally felt like I was going somewhere. I was in a good, happy, at-peace-with-myself-and-everyone-around-me place.

About two years into the job the company started going through some changes that I hadn't seen coming. Including a staff reduction. Since I was part of the managment team, guilt set it in pretty quickly, and between those feelings and feeling overwhelmed by yet another manager to get used to I hit my breaking point. I wasn't sleeping. Crying was normal. I wasn't being as productive as I should be because to put it simply - I was a burn out. And no amount of trying to have a positive attitude was going to get me out of this one.

I talked it over with the people close to me and in early July I put my notice in to leave the company. I figured I'd move to Indy, get back in school, find a job and life would be hunky dory. 

However, there were a couple of things that I forgot to think through:

1. What the heck do I want to do with myself?
2. I knew I didn't want to take out more school loans, but how exactly was I intending on paying for school?
3. the job market is a b-word right now

I sat around for a good six months,maybe longer, living off what little income I had left from my previous job and feeling worthless. I hit my all time low - jobless, schooless, friends were all in Bloomington, boyfriend was working nights and busy with his side business,  my weight was skyrocketing, and the worst part of it was that I felt like no one understood. My family was supportive, but I shunned the idea of asking for help. I thought I was a victim of a bad economy and bad luck.

Eventually I figured out that really, I was just a victim of my own bad decisions and there was no one to blame or look at than myself. I bid my time working at Walgreens until school started, and then eventually I found a job that I am currently at that I love.

I ran across this quote again the other day, and I am happy to say that I'm back in this place. I have a great job with an architecture company, I am learning, I am enrolled in school & can go back whenever I am ready, and a nice perk - I lucked out with another fabulous boss. This time I am promising myself that no matter what comes, I am not going back to that dark place. No matter what the company head hanchos decide to do with the company I am not going to perceive myself as a  victim. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have, and that's all I need to do as well. I feel like I'm finally living this again. And it feels great.